I Can't Back Away
by Genis Irving
Summary: When Mithos’ secret is revealed, Genis can’t help but doubt everybody around him. Nobody suspects just how deeply Genis was hurt, nor what catastrophe this will bring upon them all... (MithosGenis, Angst, Deathfic)
1. Chapter 1

Title: I Can't Back Away  
Fanfiction Of: Tales of Symphonia  
Author: Genis Irving  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own any part of Tales of Symphonia. The only thing I DO own that is related to Tales of Symphonia is my copy of the original soundtrack. So don't sue.  
Warnings: Mithos X Genis Shonen Ai, **and a character will die!** I won't say who!  
Summary: When Mithos' secret is revealed, Genis can't help but doubt everybody around him. Nobody suspects just how deeply Genis was hurt, nor what catastrophe this will bring upon them all... (Mithos/Genis, Angst, !Deathfic!)  
Spoilers: Yeah. **I suggest you have finished the game prior to reading this!  
**  
A/N: Okay, a few things before I begin.  
First off, this story can kind of be considered the sequel to the popular story 'Friend' that I wrote a while back. Though this story can also stand alone without it.  
Second, I ask that you please leave all horrible reviews to yourself - unless you're merely pointing out something that I should pay attention to Don't say the characters are too OOC, I write them how **I** see them - because if you flame me I will sick my pet Genis on you and he will bite your ankles repeatedly.  
Third, though this story IS something of a sequel to a very happy story, this story is _not_ happy at all. And this is the first ToS deathfic I've written, and probably the first ToS deathfic out there in which it is NOT about Zelos' death at the Tower of Salvation. And no, this was NOT easy to write. I don't usually write character deaths... Seriously, I actually began to cry when I was writing the second chapter to this...  
(PS: If you have the Tales of Symphonia Soundtrack, put in Disk 3 Memories of Tethe'Alla Disk 1 and listen to Track 16 Anchoret)

**_I Can't Back Away_**  
Chapter 1 

It had not been even an hour since the group had found out the truth about Mithos. Rather, now, the truth about Mithos Yggdrasil.

Needless to say, everybody was subdued and quiet. Raine was busy trying to keep those wounded by the sudden attack healed, though she herself was not exactly in the best of health, while the others who were able to tended to their own wounds and tried to draw their own conclusions about what to do next. The one thing that they had thought could possibly have counted own - having Mithos, the half-elf, with them - was no longer true. Needless to say, this brought up a hundred new questions, especially about other current 'companions'. Some were even doubting the reliability of their own team mates - for all they knew, somebody they had fought alongside for days, even a month or two now, could possibly be their own enemy.

But nobody was as shaken up as Genis was.

Nobody had seen where Genis had disappeared to - after everything was over and had seemingly settled down, the boy had disappeared. He had said nothing to anybody, but nobody questioned his disappearance.

After all, Mithos was probably just as important to Genis as his best friend Lloyd and his older sister Raine were - and though nobody would say it, there was the slightest suspicion among some that perhaps Mithos meant even more than they did.

Raine stood up quietly, backing away from Altessa's damaged body, sensing that at least he'd be able to survive now, for a while. He'd need real medical help though, soon enough - there was only so much that Raine's healing arts could do against such a dangerous wound to Altessa's body.

With only a bare minimum of sound, Raine walked out of Altessa's room, and out into the lobby, so to speak, of the small house.

All heads present and able to turn focused on her.

There was a couple minutes of silence.

"So how is he, Raine?" Lloyd asked, quietly, finally breaking the silence.

"...He'll survive, but he needs a good doctor, and fairly soon," she informed everybody, her gaze directed towards the ground. She never did like delivering bad news.

"...Isn't there a real good doctor in Flanoir?" Regal spoke a few seconds later, his voice even more solemn and subdued then usual.

"Then we should get him there as soon as possible," Lloyd added in a moment or two later, but Raine's voice interrupted, cutting him off.

"No, Lloyd. We can't afford to move him," she told him. "His injuries are bad, and they're likely to only worsen if we take him to Flanoir. We'll have to go fetch the doctor and bring him here."

"But that might take too long!" Lloyd quickly replied, concern painted obviously across his features. "And it's so late at night right now, what if the doctor isn't even awake to help us?"

"Then you go, Lloyd," Raine turned to him. "Take a couple others with you and go to Flanoir and fetch the doctor - do whatever you have to do to get him here. I'll stay here and watch over him."

"...Okay, professor" Lloyd nodded, turning to the few companions around. "Who's going to come with?"

As it turned out, everybody except Presea and Zelos was ready to leave Altessa's house, since then they could finally escape the depressing air about the normally somewhat cheerful house.

Presea didn't even reply to the offer to get out of the dreary locale - in fact, she seemed nearly dead. She merely was sitting down by the broken body of the human-doll Tabatha, who, on occasion, would speak garbled sentences and random words. Though a couple people had come up to her and tried to speak to her, she didn't answer any of them.

And Zelos... nobody was quite sure about why exactly Zelos didn't speak anything. There was almost an air of guilt floating about the rose-haired chosen, and he was so subdued and quiet that he was unable to say anything. Instead, he declined the offer when Lloyd asked him - and even when Sheena asked him to come along, suddenly concerned about him, he didn't even try to make some kind of snappy comment or try to flirt with her.

Despite the concern for the two, and for the missing Genis, Lloyd and his three companions (Sheena, Colette, and Regal) left very shortly, leaving the house even more empty and quiet.

Returning to Altessa's room to check on him, Raine quietly cast a few more healing spells, and then realised how badly she needed to get her mind off of the depression that had set in. She left the room again, turned to Zelos, and asked the Chosen if he would watch over Altessa while she got some fresh air. He nodded quietly and passed right by Raine into Altessa's room, and the half-elven woman finally left the cave-like building, feeling a small wash of relief come over her as she began to take what she knew would have to be a short walk.

She wasn't far away at all when she began to hear a sound that was all too familiar to her - small, short, choked sobs. She stopped moving and tried to find the source of the sound. It was so empty and quiet, almost echoing in the darkness, but Raine knew who it was, and quickly, where it was coming from.

Quietly, trying to avoid making a sound to startle the crying voice, she walked carefully in the darkness towards the source of the sound. She was just about there when her foot hit a root sticking out of the ground. She stumbled forward, hoping she hadn't interrupted the sound.

It was too late. The noise had startled the crying person, who became silent, shifting around just a bit behind a tree near Raine, as if trying to hide himself or herself.

"...Genis?" Raine asked.

At the calling of his name, Genis' sobs began again.

Raine slowly walked over to Genis, who didn't move at all. As she rounded the trunk of the tree, she looked at the boy - His legs were pulled up against him, his arms crossed on his knees, his head ducked down, hiding his face away from everything.

"Genis..." Raine gently whispered, as she wrapped her arms around her younger brother and gently began to rock his quivering form back and forth, trying her best to comfort him.

"Raine... oh, Raine, I..." Genis whimpered heavily, his sobs only getting worse.

"Genis, please, talk to me..." Raine asked, softly, and slowly, the sobbing and whimpering began to stop. Though Genis' head didn't lift, he slowly began to speak, very quietly.

"...Raine, I knew it..." Genis shook as he said the words. "I knew Mithos was... when we saw him last..."

Raine was slightly surprised by this. "How did you know?"

"He saved me, Raine, do you remember? He... he... saved me and... when he did..." Genis shook, whimpering.

"You knew?"

"He..." Genis couldn't quite make out the words, he was shaking as he spoke. He didn't really want to be saying all of this, but he knew he had to say it to _somebody_... "He dropped..." slowly, one of Genis' hands unfolded and pointed to the ground beside him.

Raine didn't say a word as she looked past Genis, and saw the panpipes there. The same ones they had given Mithos.

A bell went off in her head. Why hadn't she seen it? She should have seen this and then she could have perhaps saved Genis from having to suffer alone like this... There was so many clues... the way that Genis acted when they were in the Tower of Salvation... the way Genis was speaking to Mithos at dinner... perhaps earlier then that, had he had his suspicions?

"Genis, I'm sorry..."

"Raine, he was... we promised each other..." Genis whimpered, shaking, and Raine pulled Genis close to her.

"What do you mean?"

Genis was shaking. "He promised me, Raine. He promised me we'd be friends forever... that we'd never betray each other..."

Raine was surprised at this. She had known nothing of a promise the two had made... there wasn't very often they had had time to spend with each other... during which of those points was that promise made? Was it as early as tonight? Maybe when she had fallen ill and they had gone to save her? Had it been then? Or had it been earlier, when they had first spent time with one another?

"And I still can't..." Genis was starting to cry again. "I still want to trust him, I still wish he could..."

And that was the point that Raine knew that something was very, very wrong.

"Genis, don't say that," Raine said, sharply, and Genis was so startled that the crying stopped and he looked up at Raine.

His eyes were totally red from having cried for so long, dried tears could be seen on his face, amongst trails of tears that were glistening in the moonlight, still coming out of his eyes at regular intervals.

For a moment, Raine just wanted to grab Genis and hold her little brother so tight it was impossible, because she felt extreme guilt. But she knew she had to play the rational one, now.

"I know he hurt you, Genis. I know he was your friend, but you can't let yourself be pulled off-course by him!" she told Genis sternly. "I know it's not going to be easy, but... please, remember that he is our enemy. I don't like seeing you cry, please, Genis..."

"I know he's our enemy, Raine, I know!" Genis whimpered, burying his face in his arms again. "But... the tears just won't stop..."

Raine held her younger brother tightly. "Genis, I know how much he meant to you... he's the only other half-elf friend you've ever really had... but please, don't let him lead you astray..."

"Raine..." Genis whimpered.

"Yeah, Genis?" Raine asked.

"Please, Raine... I want to be alone for a while longer..." Genis looked up at her, and though Raine knew it was probably the wrong thing to do, to let him be alone right now, his look was so desperate that she had to.

"Okay, Genis. Please, come back to Altessa's soon," Raine held him tight one last time, then with worry on her face, she departed.

Genis continued sobbing in the same spot the whole time, shaking, now not only sad but angry.

Raine didn't have any idea just how strong the bond between Mithos and Genis had become. Genis could barely believe that Raine could ever suggest fighting Mithos. It was so easy for her to say it, and she probably thought it was for the best - she usually knew what was best, after all. Knowing that didn't soften the blow at all for the boy, however. He was so angry at Raine.

His trust had been broken by Mithos, and that same trust had brought about in him suspicion of everybody else. As far as he knew, everyone could be working to hurt him, just waiting for the right moment to betray him...

All of them were betraying him. They all still cared about one thing - fighting Mithos so they could restore the world to its original form. Genis knew that it was selfish to want to have people worry about him, to care about him, to try and understand him, but his sister had stopped him before she even knew the full story.

She, just like everybody else, wanted Genis to fight Mithos. But that was impossible for the boy.

Mithos had said, "Well you know what? I didn't trust you either, Genis," but that didn't matter to Genis. He still knew it - even if Mithos was the enemy, was Mithos' methods really that wrong? He had, after all, kept the world from being destroyed so many years ago. He merely wanted to save the half-elves, people who had suffered for so long...

That wasn't the only reason that Genis couldn't hurt Mithos. Genis hoped dearly that Mithos had not been playing with him this whole time, because when the promise between Genis and Mithos had been made, it had been a promise sealed with a kiss. A promise that they'd be together for ever.

_To Be Continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

(Optimal track for this chapter: Disk 4, Track 20 - Hidden Sorrow)

Genis' condition, as far as the others could tell, did not become any better. He barely spoke to anybody when he returned, approximately seven or eight hours later. Raine was amazed that Genis had been out for so long - she had just about been ready to go find him herself. She definitely would have if it wasn't for the fact that she had to play assistant to the doctor from Flanoir for about five hours.

But now, Altessa was in a much better shape, and it seemed as though everything was ready. Only a few minutes ago, Presea and Regal had flown the doctor and Altessa to Flanoir, since the dwarf was now in good enough shape to go there - then, finally, he could rest under the watchful eyes of the good doctor, until he was ready to return home.

By that time, Lloyd was planning to have defeated Mithos once and have reunited the worlds.

At this particular point in time, Lloyd had gathered everybody together for a pep talk. Everybody seemed to have become rejuvenated once more, excluding Genis, who was still in his subdued mood.

"Listen, guys, I know that we've gone without much sleep for a while, but..." Lloyd looked at everyone in turn. "...If we wait much longer to go to the Tower of Salvation and defeat Mithos, I don't know what will happen. After what happened last night, we really can't afford to wait any longer..."

"So let's go to the Tower of Salvation. We'll defeat Mithos where he stands and save this world!"

There was a chorus of hearty cheers from everyone, except the half-elven boy, who stood quietly behind his sister, looking down at the ground.

"This is going to be dangerous, guys..." Lloyd looked at everyone. "There's a good chance that somebody..."

"We know, Lloyd," Regal cut in.

"But that's how it's always been. And that hasn't stopped us yet" Zelos smiled, as he was now back to his perky self.

"...That's good, guys," Lloyd smiled, but then his head turned towards Genis, and concern and worry took over the content features. "...Genis, what about you?"

The boy didn't respond immediately, as though thinking, then he looked up at Lloyd.

The brunette was shocked to see how shaken up his friend looked. He hadn't had a good chance to look at Genis, but now, Lloyd was seriously considering putting off his sudden rush of courage to charge at Mithos for the sake of his friend. Genis could - and probably would - be seriously injured if he tried to fight with such a low morale. Or perhaps worse could happen to him.

"...Genis, listen, if you don't want to come, you can stay here and..."

"Let's go, Lloyd."

The answer Genis gave was so hollow and empty, it lacked all emotion except for a strong conviction and determination locked behind it. Though to what ends Genis was so determined remained to be seen, even Presea seemed shocked and worried about Genis.

"...Genis, are you alright?"

"Yes."

The response was set with the same emotionlessness and monotony that it reminded everybody of Presea, before they had recovered her true self from the curse of the Cruxis Crystal...

"...Okay then," Lloyd realised that perhaps he should not question this matter any further. "Let's go, guys!"

* * *

There was an air of ferocity and conviction about the group as they entered the Tower of Salvation, entering a room they had been to more than once before. But this time they knew it would be, with any luck, their last visit here. Today, they would do their best to finish Mithos' twisted plans - or die trying.

What surprised the group was that there was nobody there, when they entered the main chamber. Everybody had expected angel guards, or even Mithos himself.

But there was nobody. It was _empty_, and to everybody, that was the most unnerving fact of all.

Slowly, the group walked along the strange glass-like path, towards the open chamber with the teleporter they had become used to.

Only when they were a couple steps away, however, did something finally surprise them.

There was a familiar sound - that of a teleporter activating - and then Yggdrasil was floating there, in mid-air, in his childhood form, his rainbow wings spread out behind him.

There was a choked sound from Genis, and Presea, who was beside him at the time, looked at him sideways for a moment, as if uncertain she had heard something - but Genis' solemn façade had not changed. Indeed, he had merely moved forward a couple steps.

"Yggdrasil!" Lloyd growled, and everybody drew their weapons in about four seconds, ready to take their target down. Nobody had hoped to find him so soon.

"Ah, hello to you too, Lloyd..." Mithos revealed an amused smirk. "Imagine meeting you here..."

"Stop playing! You know why we're all here..." there was a strong anger in Lloyd's voice.

"Really?" Mithos' eyebrow raised, as if curious. The tone he used only infuriated Lloyd more, it was as if he was playing a game.

"I'm going to stop you, Mithos!" Lloyd growled, and without any further warning, he charged towards Mithos, sword raised.

Mithos was surprised by the speed at which Lloyd attacked, and didn't quite have enough time to pull together the energy for a counterattack. A large gash was cut into the upper-right side of the boy's chest, and he floated backwards a bit, holding the wound.

"Gah, you're not bad..." Mithos whispered out.

Lloyd raised one of his blades and pointed it towards Mithos. "I'm going to finish you off right now, Mithos..."

With that, he lunged forward, thrusting his blade towards Mithos' heart. The angel seemed almost too surprised to move. It should have killed him, or at least grievously injured him.

It didn't.

When Lloyd saw just what he had done, he recoiled in horror, quickly drawing the blade back and stepping back twice.

Somebody had stepped in the way. Now holding their wound, the trembling form looked at Lloyd with teary eyes, shaking.

"Genis, what... why...?"

Lloyd wasn't sure when the boy had inserted himself between the damaged Seraphim and Lloyd, but he had.

"Genis!" came the shout from behind him from everyone present.

Genis looked at Lloyd emptily.

Even Mithos was shocked. "Genis... why did you protect me, after I betrayed you?"

"The promise..." Genis whispered out, his eyes slowly shutting. "We promised, that we'd love each other... and be together forever..."

Genis' eyes shut, and his body began to sway a bit, as he stumbled backwards a couple steps, blood flowing from the wound on his chest.

"Genis..." Mithos' own eyes shut for a couple moments, then they opened again, and it seemed as if he really did care, suddenly.

"I couldn't... bring myself to hate you... Mithos... I love you..."

"Genis..." Mithos quickly ran forward and caught Genis' body as he fell backwards. The boy's breathing began to slow.

"...I'm sorry, Genis... and... I still... love you..."

As Mithos finished whispering those words, a faint smile spread across Genis' face. A reply was not heard by anybody, but it was felt by the one holding him.

"...I know..."

And as he breathed that out, the half-elf boy became completely quiet, as he would stay forever.

A literal moment of silence passed - there was no sound, except for the faint breathing of those still living.

Mithos gently lifted up Genis' limp body, holding it against his chest, tears running down his face. "When I made that promise, I realised... that he was going to be hurt when he found out the truth... If I had've known that this... that he'd do this for me, I would have never... oh, gods, Genis..."

And at that moment, Mithos - the Ancient Hero of the Kharlan War, the wielder of the Eternal Sword, the leader of the Seraphim, essentially the god of the two split worlds - began to cry.

In that moment, he looked so weak, so frail, so _human_, that everyone there could feel the pain he did, to an extent. Raine let out a choked whine, then the tears began to flow, and Regal quickly wrapped two arms around her, and she began to cry heavily. Everybody else was fighting back tears, even Regal and Presea.

Lloyd fell to his knees, looking down at the ground, shaking his head, and the Material Blades fell to his sides. His hands fell onto the ground in front of him, his head fell, and tears began to stain the ground beneath him.

"No... Genis..." Lloyd whimpered. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He had sworn he wouldn't make any mistakes, he would do his best to make sure none of his friends' lives would be put in danger... but now...

He had murdered his best friend.

"...Genis... what have I done...?" Lloyd screamed, the cry of agony echoing throughout the infinite emptiness around them.

_To Be Continued..._


End file.
